I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
