And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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