I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
