bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
