You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
