I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
