I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
