dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
