if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will pee on everything he values.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
