I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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