I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm like, not good at living.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
