she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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