Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
