I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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