I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
