i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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