accomplished twins. life is a go
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
