I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
