So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
