Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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