Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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