I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
