how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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