I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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