Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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