so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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