all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
