You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
