I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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