Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
