I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
