He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
