he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
