Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
