i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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