i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
