We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
