things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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