Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
