And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
