...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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