All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
