Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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