Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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