literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
