No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
