I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
