My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
