YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
