Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
