I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
