did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
