I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
