Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
