i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
